6 things to help deal with the loss of a loved one
Now here’s a post that I would have never expected myself to write, but for me blogging is always about composing from the heart. We seek the Internet to help us in our time of need, and that’s why I believe that what I write must be helpful for others. I thought it would be really hard to write about this, but I find myself inspired and wanting to help someone who may be going through a difficult time.
It has been close to about 2 months since I lost my father in law. I had talked about this very briefly on my Instagram stories but haven’t really talked about it much since. Before he passed away he was hospitalized on and off for a good 2 months. Even before that, his general health over the past 2 years had started to deteriorate, and he was struggling, so I guess now he is finally at peace. Well I really do hope so.
Let me you tell straight off the bat, that it isn’t easy to deal with the loss of a loved one. There are these moments when I suddenly remember him sitting on the chair in the morning, the only sounds to be heard would be the rustling of the newspaper and the whirring of the fan. So many emotions, so many thoughts, and many many memories. Now before I get too emotional, let me talk about a few things that really helped me dealing with him being in the hospital and losing him.
I am a super emo person and I feel no shame in crying. I find that I feel so much better after I have had a good cry. Even now, there are days when I feel the void that he has left, and I cry. I just try to not do it in front of my mother in law. I prefer to let go of my emotions when I am alone.
As cliched as it may sound, meditation really helped me. I got back into meditation when my father in law was critical at the hospital. I felt helpless and I hated not having any control over anything. The only thing I could do was control myself and calm myself. It does no good to any one to be constantly high strung and emotional. Headspace and Calm, are two apps that I found to be really useful and I am still using them. I have now gotten into meditation on an every day basis. I love how it has really helped me to get back on track with my life.
I am one of those girls who has had a journal since forever. I think I started keeping a diary when I was about 11 years old or so. I used to write every day through school and college. Eventually I started writing only to vent my feelings. Usually when I am bawling my eyes out, I find that picking up my diary and scrawling everything that is in my head into it helps calm me down. I also keep a Gratitude Journal and I find that to be a more positive outlet for everyday writing.
I know you might be wondering how on earth I managed a skincare routine while running to the hospital and dealing with relatives and rituals. Here is the thing- the 10 minutes that I spend every morning and night on skincare is ME time. I focus on what I am doing for myself. I also simplified my routine a lot so that it was faster and I found products that were calming and soothing. It helped keep me sane as well as maintained my skin during the entire time.
I took tuition the entire 2 months that my father in law was in and out of the hospital. I would have taken classes even during those 13 days of rituals but all of my students had exams and so it sort of fell into place in such a way that I got a break. Taking classes kept me grounded and focussed, and I am so thankful that I have a job that I love. I made sure that I never let my emotions interfere with my class taking ability.
Taking it easy
The last thing I did was binge watch programs on Amazon Prime. I read books. I slept whenever I felt tired. I called random friends whom I haven’t spoken to in a while and cried to them.. I switched off from social media and the blog. I basically did what I felt at that moment. I said no to multiple collaborations because I didn’t want the stress of dealing with deadlines. I took a break and it was the best thing ever because now I feel refreshed, inspired and ready to get back to blogging.
Dealing with bereavement is hard. Accept that. Acknowledge it. Deal with it in a way that works best for you. Sleep if you have to sleep. Binge eat (I totally did that), Cry, Watch TV, or stare at the fan. However don’t allow yourself to be drowned by sorrow. Don’t beat yourself up for mourning and not getting any work done. Grieving is a process and everyone handles it differently. I understand it is not easy to come out of it. It is however important to remember that they would want to you to live your life.
I know this was a really heavy post but I do hope it is/ will be useful to someone. Everything written here is purely based on my experience. Do drop your comments down below if you have any more tips that would help to deal with a situation like this. I’m sure it would be useful for the community.